Author Archives: Son

About Son

Unemployed, but trying.

Doctors and Pricks


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What began with a sneeze ended with statutory rape. No, I’m not referring to my college dating career. All of those beauties were of age, I promise. At least their AARP cards said so. Instead, I’m referring to . . … Continue reading

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Why is America facing so many problems?


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Because video montages killed our work ethic. Think about it, there are movie montages for everything. And it’s because of these compacted chunks of time set to bitchin’ bossanova beats that we, Americans, no longer strive to work longer than … Continue reading

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The Spelling Bee – FINALE


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“Holly? Your first word is . . . whether.” I can spell that. “Can you use that in a sentence please?” Holly asked. I’d been unaware we could ask such clarifying questions. Apparently little miss Holly knows a thing or … Continue reading

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The Snellpig Bee – PART 2


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I spent the rest of that Saturday spelling. And Sunday. It’s bad enough they made me go to church (which should totally have counted as work), but to come home afterwards and be forced to continue learning . . . … Continue reading

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The Slleping Bee: Part I


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In the fourth grade I made the grave mistake of telling my parents the elementary school announced plans for a spelling bee. Mom played it cool and asked me if wanted to do it. She never pushed me into these … Continue reading

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“Make it so, Number 2!”


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So I have Adult ADHD with OCD markers. Big whoop. Wanna fight about it? I’ve struggled all my life with ridiculous tasks like being awesome, bench-pressing 300 lbs, rebuilding an engine block, learning Mandarin, plugging volcanoes and not focusing on the task at … Continue reading

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Bluetooth Saves My Wallet


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As many of you may know, a couple months ago my Bluetooth earpiece saved me from  getting my ass beat at a Boston Market. If unfamiliar with this incident, then please catch up. Today I discovered a new use for … Continue reading

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Good Dog – The Finale


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The next afternoon I sat up in bed watching Gomer Pile, USMC, and playing with my Transformers. The bite wound itched. I couldn’t open my right eye – my shooting eye – which jacked-up my depth perception. When relieving myself … Continue reading

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Good Dog – Part 2


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My scream bounced off the tin roof and filled the arena spooking horses. People looked around hoping someone could explain the sudden interruption. Mom and Indiana stuttered to stop. “Oh my god!” Skittles lady covered her mouth and pointed in … Continue reading

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Good Dog: A Short Story (Part One)


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What kid doesn’t love dogs? Rhetorical question. If you answered it, stop reading, slap yourself, then restart this paragraph. (Repeat as necessary.) They’re ignorantly happy, energetic, occasionally helpful, they drool and cost money. I guess you could say the same … Continue reading

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